thoughts on a not so perfect union

I attended a wedding. A pastor friend was suppose to be doing the ceremony and I was suppose to be the witness and sign the license. The church, however, was not in agreement. I attended but did not sign and a random justice of the peace performed the ceremony instead.

Here’s some lessons learned:

Don’t commit to being a witness or performing a ceremony until you know you can, have been given permission, or have talked to whomever is over your credentials. I assumed premarital counseling had been done, but it hadn’t. The church also wants at least a year after a divorce before one gets married to someone else and it was mere months since it was final.

Premarital counseling should be a prerequisite to marriage and since it had only been a few months since the divorce was official, it was not approved. Although the original couple had been apart for quite some time (like 2 or 3 years), an onlooker observing would know the legal separation was less.

Learn something new everyday and apply it.

The dilemma then was do I still attend and do I bring a gift. I settled on a gift card for a dinner out. My spouse choose not to attend with me and we both were in a quandary about what to give or not as the whole situation is difficult to support.

On the one hand: happy they are marrying and not living in sin.

On the other hand: new spouse is partly why old spouse not in picture.

Life can be messy because we are messy.

Here’s my advice:

If you are married, keep loving each other fiercely.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

  • Learn to affair proof your marriage by setting up action plans and sticking to them like:
    • not going anywhere with opposite sex
      not keeping secrets unless surprise for your spouse
      and not holding on to past hurts or mistakes/mishaps

    Never let the D word be in any conversation (divorce) whether in jest or not! That word should never spill from your lips.

    Always put your spouse’s needs/wants/wishes/desires above your own. Good advice for all your relationships.

    If we are striving to serve others first or more, it might become a little competition that all will benefit from.

    Here’s to many more months and years of wedded bliss to those who are married. And if you are not and contemplating, dating, or engaged, take the above to heart and live out loving as God intended.

    Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2

    Regardless of your marital status, we all can do our part to show this hurting world how the love of God can transform lives starting with ours. That is how we can…

    be.the.church

    My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”John 15:12

    © 2019 be.the.church aclearberry all rights reserved

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