I am headed to wedding number two of three this month. So, yes, it is true at least for me this year that in the very merrier month of May are many weddings.
Here’s some thoughts on communication in general that can help any relationship you are in.
Talk back on what you hear so the communicator can clarify if what you heard is what they meant. For example, say something like: “What I hear you saying is…”
Give others space for what brings them life. If you are married, let your spouse golf, run, or meet up with friends for coffee. This advice goes for roommates, siblings, co-workers, etc. In any relationship you have with others give them the freedom to do what they need to to fill up so they can in turn give out more. If the he or she in your life needs quiet to think or to re-energize, give the space and time.
Learn the love languages of those in your life. The following link is a recap to the 5 love languages of a previous blog post of mine:
You can also look back to posts dating February 19-24 as well to learn more on each individual love language. (These entries are from 2019 and the links are included at the end of this post for your convenience.*)
Want to know more, why not order yourself a copy of the book by Gary Chapman in whatever version you desire – for men, singles, children, teens, etc. You can even read with a companion guide as a small group study.
Not only will understanding the love languages help you be a better communicator of love, but it’s good to understand what type of person you are.
There are three different aspects of God and to quote author Debi Pearl whom I agree with they correlate to three different types of men. “God is dominant – a sovereign and all powerful God. He is also visionary – omniscient and desirous of caring out His plans. And, God is steady – the same yesterday, and today, and forever, our faithful High Priest. Most men epitomize one of these three aspects of God.” It is helpful for you to understand which you are if you are male. And if female, it will help you understand how to communicate better if you understand which type of male it is you are trying to relate to Mr.Command Man, Mr. Visionary, or Mr. Steady.
Obviously men and women communicate differently, but it doesn’t mean communication can’t happen. It is learning the how that will help.
Here’s a few more things I have learned over the years that might help you be a better communicator:
If you are hungry or tired, it is probably not the best time to start a serious conversation. Speak up and say: “Let’s eat first.” or “Can we please talk about this tomorrow?” Don’t forget to use the please and thank yous. Communicating softly helps too.
There is a right and wrong time to communicate so figure that out before you dive in.
Regardless of feelings albeit angry, sad, furious, always (and I mean ALWAYS) kiss goodbye, good night, hello and whatever else you can muster up an excuse to do it.
As humans, we need to be needed and acknowledged. A high five or a side hug may work for some non-touchy types, but I say go all in with a big bear hug often. The experts say to lead an emotionally healthy life you need a minimum of five hugs a day with eight for maintenance and twelve for growth. So, get hugging! You hear me? Give (and get) more hugs. And especially think about this when you are with the single person who lives alone or when visiting a widower. Again let the saying by Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist ring true for you: “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” Give them and get them. Love in the form of hugs is great medicine. Yes, love is a miracle ‘drug’ we all need daily and can be communicated well through hugs.
The key to communication is to get to know those closest to you. Figure out what makes them tick. What are their preferences? Do they like quiet before coffee? Are they night owls? And don’t try to change another just because they think or do things different than you! Embrace the differences and learn preferences so you can communicate better and better each day.
And if you need to be reminded on how we are to love, read the whole of the ‘love’ chapter of the Bible which is I Corinthians 13. Here’s part of it:
“Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13 HCSB
When we communicate in love, we will…
*below are the links for the February blog posts about love languages or you can just scroll down and on your way check out other blog titles that peak your interest. I would love to hear your feedback on each and everyone.
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